Stupidly, childishly and relentlessly I insisted on using adverbs where I should have thought of new words, but I decided I didn’t have time. I wanted to sleep. I slept on floors, in bars, on desks and against windows. I saw the train for a second, a flicker of a castle and the snow, and then I stayed inside after all. Fond thoughts of adventure often paled in comparison to five more minutes and a little more money tucked away, safely. I missed a lot in those years. I missed a lot with my knees at my forehead and in my avoidance of the moment and the wind. But I did get to go on a boat.
Lately, luckily, I have been spending a little more time out. I made a plan or two and with the money I would see the country, I’d see many more. I have a friend, now, and I have things to see. I sleep still, but I’m captivated by the clouds and by the entirety of the journey. I don’t want to be asleep when the sun comes up, I want to see every last minute of the time it takes to get there.
Then, conversely, there was the time that I spent buried in books and in space. I still spend a lot of my time with underwater archaeology and planets that I’ll never see and parts of the world that nobody has touched in weeks. I live to learn and I live in the screen, the worlds that I can’t see I find a way to visit. If you go by that logic then I have been on a spaceship, visited Atlantis, explored the entirety of my country from top to bottom and back again. I’ve seen animals that no-one has heard of, met creatures and people that the world forgot. I sailed back and forth and ran from home in a dream, once. I took my dog and I fled. It’s something I wanted often at sixteen, and now –
more than ever.