Emma pt. 2

With shortening breath and rapid sickness
there wasn’t much in the way of final words
and I try – daily – to preserve a sense of who you were
not that I knew much, not at all
 with your honesty, your candidness, your humour
you left it all up to us and let us take a look
every month, or two, I take the privilege and I do

If I had seen what you had been saying – 
that you were rapidly deteriorating, that
this could be it. We are running out of ideas.
Could I have done a thing? After my holiday,
I’ll bring you cookies. When you are well, 
I will sit at your bedside. I know that chocolate chip
and a kind word could not have made a difference
that your sickness was in your lungs, your heart,
your body. I find it ironic, actually, that there could
even be a sickness in your heart

I cannot imagine the pain of your family
to read that your fight had dried up
that you had lost hope, that you felt
as though you were decomposing
as an outsider and a friend I shake and I cry
to remember that nine months ago
you had to wrap your head around dying

Twenty years old is not enough
it is not a chance to age, to experience,
and with your sickness it was harder
but you tried. You fought. You inspired
hope in me, sometimes, something 
that had long since died in a pathetic heart

‘Terrified but still fighting’
those are not words that should be spoken
nor typed, nor written
by a girl who could not get any older
I know, for all intents and purposes,
I am an outsider. But your radiance and
the size of the fight in such a tiny girl
are something I cannot forget

Emma; the first, for me, of many deaths
and realising I would not be near you 
speak to you, drink with you, dance
and laugh with you again – it is not easier
than it was on day one
you cared so frequently for my wellbeing,
your kindness genuine and selfless
but above that, I found you smart
beautiful, intelligent, and hilarious
“why didn’t we talk before?”
a line I won’t forget in the street at 3am
and a girl I can’t any sooner than that

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2 Comments

Filed under Poetry

2 responses to “Emma pt. 2

  1. kyatic

    Well, this is beautiful.

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