If I looked harder I might have seen France, Spain – my geography is only good enough to know I want to stay here. In all the mundanity and simplicity – I had never felt this. I am free so I need to work seven days; I need the money to afford my freedom. But good god, the clarity. I am not drunk and I am not on holiday – I needn’t take a break from my day to day. I am truly content in the pink sky and the green sea. I needn’t make it difficult – complexities and adverbs to make the words mean something that they won’t. I am in love with my day to day. I sought drugs and numb and I thought I could live in that village and manage but now – I don’t even want to go to California. But I will and I will come home to my life with fresh eyes and I will look to this ocean as it is completely different to yours. I am twenty one years old and I almost feel secure. What could you say? I am glad I did not die. I can see beach huts and pebbles from my perch with new eyes – escape is not an option and I am not alone. I have the sea breeze and it could change when the sun goes down and I am riddled still with sickness and cold. But it might not. My safety, my bench and my café. The smell of fresh cakes that I cannot eat.
I have my words and I have my health. October could flood out the tourists and good charm, but it will not.
I am glad I never did die.