One year – one year since I sat up in my Florida bed
only for the news to reach me that you – you had died
I stuttered and stumbled, I sobbed and I crawled
but for the first ten minutes – I was silent
a cruel joke or a mistake, it could well be a mistake
that the girl who had passed was not you
not that I wished it on anyone else, not at all
but in Miami, I stood and the floodgates opened
comprehension wasn’t an option and I couldn’t
believe in a god or a world that could do this
there is no law, only chaos that takes away light
your talent, your brightness, that I promised to soak in
once I was home, once I had time – but you hadn’t time
cookies and a shoulder might not have made a difference
in your coughing and pain and breathlessness
your death, a year on, is still eternally unfair
as I am a year older and you will never be more than twenty
funerals, memorials, money raised and your news clip rewatched
I have trawled your blog, cried at messages I had missed
and you – beautiful you, that I feel I haven’t the right to mourn
your gorgeous soul lives, and I know we always say this –
but you did not deserve to go. In donations and memory
I will let you live, let your legacy help others to breathe
I knew you briefly and I love you eternally, a year on 
and I am mourning. Emma, the light of my life and a new friend
to me, still. Goodnight and I hope you are well – 
still, when I dance, I think fondly of you.


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Filed under Personal, Poetry

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