I team blind optimism with a desperate pessimism
this knowledge that so far, things have been –
bad is unfair, but I have been unlucky at least
but a hope that I need to maintain, that better
things are happening, that my luck has to turn
after these twenty-two years of staying afloat
so barely, so shamefully at times – although
as long as I do survive, perhaps the process
isn’t so painful as I think it is, when I open
my mouth in bars and rooms, assumed safe spaces
and kick myself for the honesty, for my belief
that if someone sees me for a second, knows half
of how I have survived this long – they will leave
but I am optimistic still that there is a soul
or two, who can give me reason to be hopeful
and maybe take away that cynicism for an evening
and that still, our luck may yet turn



Filed under Poetry

3 responses to “22.

  1. I think see what your saying, but if not it still resonates in my soul that as go on living I wish not to be sinking log with water filling up my porous shape, but rather I’d like to live. I think I would like that very much. To perhaps be a sail boat and pull aboard others that were once as I. Thank you for all the above and if I missed it I missed it, but it is still beautiful.

  2. Life is defo tough sometimes, but if you keep true to yourself everything usually levels out in the end.

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