22.

I team blind optimism with a desperate pessimism
this knowledge that so far, things have been –
bad is unfair, but I have been unlucky at least
but a hope that I need to maintain, that better
things are happening, that my luck has to turn
after these twenty-two years of staying afloat
so barely, so shamefully at times – although
as long as I do survive, perhaps the process
isn’t so painful as I think it is, when I open
my mouth in bars and rooms, assumed safe spaces
and kick myself for the honesty, for my belief
that if someone sees me for a second, knows half
of how I have survived this long – they will leave
but I am optimistic still that there is a soul
or two, who can give me reason to be hopeful
and maybe take away that cynicism for an evening
and that still, our luck may yet turn

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3 Comments

Filed under Poetry

3 responses to “22.

  1. I think see what your saying, but if not it still resonates in my soul that as go on living I wish not to be sinking log with water filling up my porous shape, but rather I’d like to live. I think I would like that very much. To perhaps be a sail boat and pull aboard others that were once as I. Thank you for all the above and if I missed it I missed it, but it is still beautiful.

  2. Life is defo tough sometimes, but if you keep true to yourself everything usually levels out in the end.

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