30.

“I’ll kill myself before I’m 30.”

I proudly declared in a maths class or two
unaware that 30 can creep up easily
that I would still be here, alive, at twenty-two
knowing so many still living vibrantly after 30
and it’s easy to blame teen-aged naivety
or the dismissal of women over 25
but I had a particular morbid nature
a certain fear of living, of working, of being present
and I could always just kill myself
get out before 30, before 19, if it was
ever just too much

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7 Comments

Filed under Poetry

7 responses to “30.

  1. beatthemtodeathwiththeirownshoes

    Just been for a walk around my local cemetery (it’s good for wildlife). We’re all here for such a short time. Don’t waste a second. 🙂

  2. I always tell my lads, in complete nonchalance, that I may very well cease to be prior to hitting 40—a sudden, terminal illness or getting shot on a dangerous gig. But honestly (and personally), appearing to be impartial towards the potentials of adult life is somehow just a manifestation of my grim fears of turning out to be a shitty, boring, and good-for-nothing 30+ individual.

  3. Thank you Marianne. These were my thoughts through grade school and upper school. “How horrible,” I would say when thinking of the idea of living past 35. My whole life has felt as though I were beneath the sidewalk, like I was lying down one day and they simply ran the concrete right over me.

  4. I loved this. I always thought I would have given up by age 23 and here I am

  5. I think you’ve put into words what so many think. It’s hard to look that far in the future and see anything but gray mornings and empty words. Then it sneaks up on you.

  6. From someone going on 32, who has felt a block of concrete smacked on her chest along the way, with time comes perspective and you’ll have a mountain more of it at 35, especially since you’re already sharing with the world around you, thank you for that 🙂

    • thank you for your comment 🙂 this was definitely more about how my view on being a little older has changed and matured from when I was much younger. Thanks again! x

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