104.

I could tell you what I want, break down every detail
of my goals and desires and – I might tell the truth
or what I think is the truth, or what I feel at the time
but I don’t know

What I want changes and grows, when I was fourteen
I wanted to go to shows and I wanted to be dead
when I was nineteen I wanted to get through the week
and when I was twenty I just wanted to be dead again

At twenty-four I’ve more than I could have asked for
and I am still unhappy, I’ve still so many years to fill
and really, if I could have ever had anything
it would have been to never be born into this world at all

To never have had to fight this fight
or occupy this body
or see everyone else suffer as we so often do
but I am here now, and I’ll stay alive

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